G I Joe: A Real American Hero (1983) Retrospective

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The Thing Expanded: Five Hours of Paranoia, Nostalgia, and Practical Effects Worship!

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A few years ago, I had the dubious privilege of interviewing Ian Nathan during post-production on Aliens Expanded—his “official” baptism into documentary filmmaking, before he doubled down with The Thing Expanded, a five-hour super-documentary from Creator VC, the same collective brain trust behind the In Search of Darkness series. Now, after what can only be described as a long-awaited descent into physical media sanity (and digital release at the very reasonable “please take my money” price of $29.99 🙌 until May 21st), Creator VC was kind enough to send over a review copy. So without further adieu—here are my brutally honest thoughts on The Thing Expanded. This documentary opens with a not-so-humble reminder that The Thing was once critically mauled on release, including a particularly infamous dismissal from Roger Ebert. I also vividly remember NBC’s Alive at Five critic  absolutely obliterating it on-air with the enthusiasm of someone personally offended by Antarctic paranoia...
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The Black Phone (Review)

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Directed by Scott Derrickson of Marvel's Doctor Strange, The Black Phone is a book adaptation Coming-of-age thriller set during the early Seventies featuring Finney Shaw, (Mason Thames) a shy kid who gets bulled in school, and as if that wasn't bad enough, a grim-masked child abductor called,  "The Grabber," (Sounds like a generic Spider-Man villain from the Seventies.) kidnaps Finney and holds him in an isolated soundproof room with no one to communicate with....except for a few familiar "voices" from a rotary black phone! Are they voices from the dead, or is Finney imagining things? Black Phone has few good features going for it, thanks to a solid cast with Ethan Hawke taking his turn as a creepy antagonist in a horror film, which is the actor's most disturbing if not menacing role to date. Mason Thames paired along with Madeleine McGraw were almost viewed spiritual  successors of Phantasm's Mike and Jody Thornbury.  What I also found troubling, wa...
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Christopher: The Sparanos Episode Where Everyone Argues About a Dead Explorer!

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Ah yes, “Christopher,” the Sopranos episode where subtle storytelling goes to sleep with the fishes and we’re treated instead to a 50-minute group therapy session about Italian-American identity. It’s Season 4, and Tony’s crew—normally masters of organized chaos—somehow manage to get upstaged by a Columbus Day parade and a history lesson gone terribly wrong. The episode opens with Silvio Dante losing his mind over protesters at a Columbus Day parade. Apparently, this is the hill he’s chosen to die on. Forget mob wars, money laundering, or existential dread—this time, it’s personal because someone dared to question Christopher Columbus’ “legacy.” You know, the guy who enslaved half the Caribbean. But in The Sopranos universe, he’s an Italian hero, dammit! The irony writes itself. Meanwhile, Tony couldn’t care less about Columbus or history—he’s too busy trying to wrangle his perpetually unraveling crew. What follows is a comedy of errors: middle-aged mobsters acting like college freshme...
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